F**k it switch?

The me is back.

Two years have passed since the last words were written here. I contemplated turning the blog off, but no, and thank god for that as I am back again.

Anyroads. What has happened in the two years and three months? Three relationships have happened. One long-distance with the German man. Feels like in another time and age. and I struggle to remember exactly why I went out with him. Then a two-month-stint with a rather weird man. Which was just .. weird. Then just about a year ago I met a lovely guy. Very lovely indeed. But it didn't work out either. But that's all I am going to tell you about that. None of them were right, nothing to dwell about. These things you just know.

No, I am instead looking forward. With excitement. Because I am today very much the person I have always wanted to be. I like my life and myself very much. And I am not sure I did so 2 years ago. Not at all actually. Can't really pinpoint what is different. Just a feeling of security, stability and happiness I guess.

When I read Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Love Pray, I came to think of this a lot. The main character meets a man in India who tells her something along the lines of "it's impossible to find love until you would like to meet yourself". And I would like to date myself actually. I think the me is pretty cool.

I have very little to worry about for the moment. Very little indeed. No annoying relationship that is not super good but not bad enough to end. No worries about does he love me or not, do I love him or not, nothing about when are we going to have children etc etc. With me, myself, and I, there is very litttle to lay awake about at night. Which is fabulastic.

The only possible dark spot on the sun would be this freaking biological clock that everyone is roaming about. I am after all 2 years and three months older than before. And this, according to papers, have probably seriously deteriorated my eggs.

But as there is f**k all to do about it, I do as my great friend Miss Polo says -- I turn on the F**k it switch. Because there is nothing else to do.

Happy Wednesday.

xxx

NEW BLOG

http://www.meandthehiddenagenda.blogspot.com/

Here it is! Read and enjoy. "Me and the Hidden Agenda" is about my snooping around for stories and funnities in the different countries, cultures and situations that i happen to end up in. Happen to end up in? I think i deliberately choose them only to get good stories. The Hidden Agenda of my life.

Happy reading.

ME

Finalemente

Changes changes, again changes. It pains me to say that the Sinister Spinster will now go to sleep. She has done her contributions to the world and will now sleep.

The creator however will continue her thoughts of life and everything around this in a new blog. The name and content of this will soon be announced here.

It has been lovely to have The Sinister Spinster in my life and she has taught me a lot about life. My warm thanks for those of you who have followed her sometimes sinistrous views on life. Knowing that you are out there reading, nutures my inspiration.

Peace and Love
Me

Endlich Ein Grund zur Panik!

For those of you poor little creatures who don't master the beautiful language of German, this means "Finally a reason to panik". One of the biggest hits in der Bundesrepublik last year. I knew about it, I must admit, before I got indoctrinated in the German kultur-leben. To take part of this master-piece of music, click on the following link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjiC6xM5nAM

So what is now the reason to panik that has finally come my way? Well I have said for a while that I am ready for a change in my life. In fact I am looking forward to my fourth spring in Notting Hill, still single, still wondering. Ok, things have changed during the passing of these springs, I have changed jobs (a couple of times in fact...), I have moved to my own flat that I have renovated myself. In addition, I have lived through and ended a sort-of-long-term relationship (1,5 years), started a couple of more serious affairs (that were doomed from the beginning) and done a quite a lot of dating and other activities less suitable for print. And I have learned a lot. Huge amounts of things. About myself, about what is good, and what is not so good. And I am glad I have had this time to learn, even if at times painful.

So this is the fourth spring. And I am ready for a change. The feeling emerged last summer, from somewhere, unclear where. I suppose it's part of my nomadic personality, always wanting to move. But I guess it's not necessarily a physical move I am feeling, rather a mind-move. I feel that I am ready with this part of my life. Not sure how to describe the phase, but it has been rather much a matter of thinking and learning and developing. Development phase. Here we have it. Now we're really getting into good ol' consulting lingo.

And the reason to Panic? Well, as our dear TS Eliot puts it:

April is the cruellest month,
breeding,
Lilacs out of the dead land,
mixing memory and desire,
stirring dull roots with spring rain...

Change is painful, and perhaps a reason to panic? Now, I happen to have an extensive experience of panic, so this is hardly anything close to that. Just going through the phases.

Went to see Mr Germany last weekend. And it was wonderful. Skiing, Spa-hotel, Munchen, Cat Power. A lot of feelings and the feeling of kindness that occurs when you just ... like someone. When there is mutual respect and admire. Friendship and Attraction. There is no games, no playing, just lovely. All we know is that it was lovely and that we want more of it. And who knows, he might be part of the change? But we only know one thing and that is that we don't know anything.

And as the song goes further... Kein Grund Zur Panik. And all true, there is No reason to Panic.