De-railing?

Went on a crazy sale-trip to the big shopping mall here in the childhood-town today. Had my niece with me and we chased around like two maniacs. Me as a lost witch in a long black coat and high-heeled boots and my blonde messy hair on the top like a worn broomstick. Like a Mars-invader among a tribe of Sports Leisure-wear.

To bribe the 7-year-old to cope with YET another xmas-sale-shop, we went to get an ice-cream at McDonalds. First thing I see: My old ex-boyfriend with his wife and twin-girls of 4-years old. Bah. Now I will be a little bit sinister. I really like my ex. He is a very handsome and kind and manly guy. We were together when we were 18-19-ish and split when I went to live in London the first time. His wife is probably very kind and caring and possibly also sexy somehow, but please, that fringe will NEVER look good on ANYONE whose Body Mass Index is alarmingly over the health-level. And their little twins wouldn't take ANY harm from eating less McDonald's. SORRY!! I know, I am horrible. But truthful.

Had a long chat with him and he asks: "So, you and your husband really enjoy London then I take it?". I frooze a bit before answering. Seemed like the grapewine of this litte town had not reached his innocent ears?. "Eh", I answer, trying to stay a bit cool, "we got divorced 4 years ago". "We were together for 9 years and then we decided to go separate ways, you know, different views on life and so...", I bla bla'ed, for some reason trying to find an explanation or excuse.

And talking to my ex-boyfriend and thinking of my ex-husband, it's striking how similar they are. Stable family-men with good jobs, handsome and kind. With both of them I was really on the right track. Straight stable old-fashioned tracks laid down on calm ground. But somehow I derailed. Not by accident, but by careful and deliberate steering. And even if it hurt like hell when it happened,
I dare say de-railing was a good thing.

Or as May West put it: "I used to be Snow-White, but I drifted".