Phobia or Being truthful?

Hah, funny thing happened. Just got an email from a bloke I was chatting to on a website last spring. It's a therapy-web thingie from the motherplanet where people/patients can ask qs to "real" therapists and get on-line consulting. The questions are asked openly so all the members of the website can take part of the answers and also comment on them. All quite well made, impressive!

Anyway, early this year I met this Irish guy and things were starting to get rather serious. And as always I started to feel a bit panicky about the whole thing. Started to search for faults in him and getting nervous for all sorts of things. "Oh, should I really go to Ireland for the wedding with him? What if I don't like him really that much?" or "Doesn't he have really terrible clothes?". I know it sounds funny but I really really find it so difficult with new relations. I am afraid of everything: me not liking him, him not liking me, me liking him but then falling out of love and bla bla bla.
So I consulted this website and started discussing with other people with this "commitment phobia"... And now this bloke emails me, about 9 months later to see how I was doing. Funny, because it made me read a bit of the emails and postings I made back then.

And as I answered to this guy, I wonder if it really was a matter of strong Commitment Phobia? Am I really that screwed up from my divorce that I really DREAD getting involved with anyone? When I look back at this Irish guy, I must say I cannot see how we would EVER work out?!

Someone said to me then "maybe it's just simple, he isn't right for you, or you wouldn't think so much about it." I really didn't want to listen to that ear then, but of course she was right. It was only me, again, fooling myself!