Finding: The importance of being Earnest

My nature is rather clearly painfully honest and a bit temperamental. My mother called me “explosive” at some point. It’s probably true. And sometimes this is good. As when things are said that need to be ventilated.

Had lunch with Mr Sketch yesterday. And was not in a good mood. Pissed off to start with that he could only squeeze me in for a lunch when I have so much to do, and not any evenings this week. Plus his brief communication. So here I am, on our way to a date with a guy that I really like and feel like a stressed ape. It's probably these situations you should call in sick.

But I didn't. We met up and I got irritated with loads of small things: he was unshaven and were just slouching around when I had really made an effort and made myself look remarkably good. And we talked about flat-renovations, his separation and other stuff, like two friends. I felt no attraction nor spark nor nothing. Just irritation. And it didn't get better when he told me he was going to the Hockney exhibition with a "Gloria"-friend in the afternoon. For crying out! I thought he was really busy this week? I left the lunch with a couple of very non-engaged kisses and was in an incredibly bad mood. And dramatically promised myself to never see him again. Bah!

Arrived in a rainy Brux this morning. After the obligatory taxi-fight (brussels taxis are a story by itself) I get on my way to the office. Then he calls. And is extremely sweet and cute and has fallen ill after our lunch and wants to know how I am feeling. Food-poisoning. (And asked if I had poisoned him. Ha! He should have known how right he could have been....) And he called two more times today. First time he left a message about how he wants me to also be sick so we can snuggle all day. Then he called again just when I was on my way to the hotel. And somehow it crops up that I had been mad with him! And I tell him all about (ok, slight censur) how I had felt. Was thinking at the back of my head: I am going against all possible rules in the world now! This is NOT ok. The mantra rolled in my head "Do not show your feelings, do not pressure him, do not put blame on him for not seeing you enough or communicating". But I thought: To hell with that rubbish.

And it actually went down really well with him. He only sounded pleased and almost a bit... flattered! He laughed at me and called me his little Swedish Troll. And joked about that he will need to make up for this as soon as I am back from Sweden next week. And it made me feel so good, and not horrible at all.

Only a great man can change a monster into a little purring cat.