Memories of a lifetime passed

My ex husband is having a child one of these days. I might already have arrived, but I haven't heard anything yet. Strange feeling. And of course a bit sad in a way. Probably adds on to my blues that I wrote about earlier. For so many years I was sure that us two would be parents. I remember I could see our children so clearly. I even made pictures and entertained his family at dinner time with stories about how these three clumsy blond big boys were pestering everyone's life at the summer house with their stinking and wet surfing equipment, golf sets splurted over the lawn and muddy football shoes. I just saw these guys getting their father's muscular body (with enormous hands and feet) and my height which could only result in giants. At the age of 12 they would already have outgrown any normal bed and their puberty acne and sweaty disorganized bodies would be impossible to have around other people. With the energy level of myself and my ex husband, they would no doubt be super Duracell rabbits too. And they would have been sweet and kind and caring. Just like their father.

Well well. No need to grief over this, the thought just hit me briefly. As I have written before, looking in the rear mirror makes driving impossible. I hope everthing goes well for them. And I really hope that they are happy.