Lustful Love or Lovely Lust?

"Stop me, stop me, stop me, stop me if you think that you´ve heard this one before", wonderful Morrissey sings for me this sunny London-morning. I am possibly a bit pathetic getting a zing in my tummy when I realize that I actually LIVE in this country that has given birth to so many of my favourite songs.

Anyway, this is NOT a music blog and this little intro has nothing really to do with music. I just came to think of a few old thoughts when I heard these lyrics. So, please dear friends, do stop me if you think that you´ve heard this one before. But I need to ventilate the classic problematics of LOVE and LUST.

Repeatedly, I hear from friends, and not to speak of my own passionate experiences, of the confusion between LUST and LOVE. When I hear or read about women saying: "Our sexlife is fantastic, and even if we argue a lot, this really must be love", I get chills. As a matter of fact, I see warning flags sticking up everywhere around the rooftops. Ok, as you might have understood by now, I am hardly a fridgid who doesn´t like sex, but I am very aware of the risks of getting carried away when the pheromes start to dance around in the head. The whole brain becomes confused and all sort of rational thinking disappears. An ice-bucket over the head can come handy every now and then.

Dear Chablis gave me an article a few months ago. The author was a 26-year old woman who had refrained from having sex with her new boyfriend until SIX months had passed and she was sure of their mutual feelings. She said that this was her only cure of the problem getting a man to stay in a longer perspective. What really isn´t anything new...

What I found more interesting in this is the impact this has on the woman herself. I must admit that women have more problems in separating love and sex. And by waiting, she is not only keeping up the interest of the man, but, a lot more importantly, protecting her own feelings. After an orgasm, the female produces hormones that stimulate warm feelings towards the sex-partner. The body tells the woman to be emotionally close to the potential father of her just contracepted foster. Hence, if you´re in a relationship with great sex, you are is the risk zone of being blind to the rest of the person.

A girlfriend got a little irritated with me when we discussed this. She said, "Well, what if you waste a couple of months only to realize that the sex is useless? Then the relationship is dead anyway!". Ok, I see her point and of course sex is very very important but 1) if you find a man really interesting, you hardly waste time getting to know him, and 2) if the sex isn´t super to start with it can always develop.

My conclusion to this new-purtian-viewpoints (hallelujah) is clear. Girls, refrain from sex as long as you can. Kisses and cuddles and even some snogging-light (grade 1) is allowed. Anyway if you´re looking for a life-partner and not only for some more temporary fun. We plainly need to get better in separating who is a Shag, a Shoot and who is the actual Marry.

Yes, you´ve heard this one before, but a water-drop doesn´t make a hole in the stone by force, but by repetition.

Make Love.