Circus Spinster "Abnormality ping-pong"

"Well the reason why you end up with weird men darling, is because you´re only attracted to them. We all know you would have been dead bored with me if we would have continued back then!!", my old fling, the Squirrel, enthusiastically burts out when we discuss why I just never seem to meet any normal guys, with normal values, normal income and generally normal lifes. And maybe he is right. Not that our "relationship" of three weeks was ever anything serious, but yes, should we have gone on with it, I am sure I would have been bored. So, he is right. Normal as he is.

And looking back on my odyssee of relationships, it sure is a Circus Spinster we´re looking at. Since my divorce, the line up (of serious dating/relationships) has been as follows:

• Swedish Illustrator in Stockholm with serious mental weaknesses "sensitive artist".. bah. (8 months)
• English Head of Erotica at big publisher and serious Erotica writer with a taste for Goth and Heavy Metal (1 year and 3 months)
• Irish musician immigrant to Northest Sweden (3 months)
• Italian Frank Sinatra Crooner (3 months)
• English "still-living-with-his-girlfriend" confused (3 months)
• DJ, music producer 38-years old with 25-year old lifestyle (ongoing)

The common denominator: COMPLICATED. All is complicated, difficult, non-committal and just abnormal. But what is normal then? My ex-husband sure is as square as the Kubric cube. Obviously, that was too normal for me. Maybe, I even developed a "boring-phobia" during my divorce, and in my panic of, again, finding myself in boredom, I don´t dare going close to anyone who looks the slightest square?

Maybe I can work on this phobia and be attracted to slightly less dramatic men in the future? Or maybe not, maybe the extreme men I find are not that non-normal after all. Maybe I don´t see the woods for all the trees? Maybe it´s just me who clearly is ... abnormal?

Different views

Mr Cosby and I clearly come from different worlds. We are so different that the world almost stops. But still we like eachother? Can differences like this last, or can it only be a temporary romance? In the famous equation, my heart and nose are very happy, timing too, but my brain is struggling. Thought of this the other day at good ol´Heathrow (where I spend a considerate amount of daylight hours these days), and again passing the brilliant HSBC-commercials ("seeing things from different views"). I just came to think of that our worlds are so different. See if you can work out my take on the HSBC-commercial below.

Different Views : One World

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Due Diligence in the Wild West

The finding-faults-game is not very problematic with mr Cosby. He takes care of this himself. Without me even being close to asking, he points out all that is not so good with him. That he has been a party-DJ for 10 years (and still very living that kind of lifestyle), that he has no property investments, that he doesn´t earn a lot of money from the music production business, that he has a problem to take on a "serious" (i.e office-) job and he is too comfortable with the (not-bad-at-all) money he makes from the DJ-ing. All in all, he is not an ideal husband in a classical way. And to make up for this, he has presented me with his future 10-year plan and explained how he is about to change his life and get into Venture Capitalism. Not that I have given it THAT much thought yet, but thank you for the information darling.

And this is clearly a cultural difference. In Jolly Ol´England, there is still a classic picture that the man needs to have a proper and stable income to support the family. And even if this maybe holds true in certain aspects in Sweden, it´s not such a pressure on men to support the family. With maternity and paternity leaves from the government and a child-care system that works and is not too expensive, of course creating a family in my mother country is no big challenge. And I am not glorifying the state-heavy, tax-infected Swedish system, don´t get me wrong, but there is clearly a reason why Swedish women have the highest birthrate in Western Europe.

So, thank you Mr Cosby for giving me the cards on the table. I guess we will just have to see how the business-ventures are proceeding and then decide if we should stay together or not. Or? Or how about getting to know eachother first? Maybe I am missing something out, maybe I am too Swedish? Do English women always do Due Diligences on their dates? If so, pls send me an Excel-template that I can use.

Until then darlings, I say as mr Kravitz: Let love rule.

Back To Black

Good old Amy Winehouse. She is a lovely girl. And Back to Black a great tune. Get it. But don´t get it if you are dwelling on dates going back to their ex-es. It´s a bit too melodramatic to be healthy I am afraid. She is a bit too melo-dramatic all in all. Only listen to Ms Winehouse if you are stable, happy and not heart-broken. Back to Black is all about a date/boyfriend going back to his ex-girlfriend, leaving poor little Amy in the black shadows, depressed, drinking, devasted.

So, what has this to do with the cheerful Spinster? Well, last update on Mr Sketch is that this once-superman-material has gone back to his girlie, or anyway not finalized the split but still staying with her. Not that it came as a surprise and frankly, I don´t care. This indecisiveness and forth-and-back and fiddling and unclarity is bloody unattractive, and tells something about his carachter, something I am happy to be without. Glad I was true to myself and identified this on time. Well done, pad your back little Spinnie. No Back to Black for me thanks velly mucho.

And since I am ms Good-hearted-girl, I am still sort of friends with him and answer to his emails and gives "divorce-recommendations" to him. He is after all a good man and has always been open and honest about it all. So no harm done.

Florence N strikes again.

Hook-search in Hallo Africa

So friends, what is it like to date a man of Nigerian origins? Any tips or recommendations? So far, must say that my dear Mr Cosby is clearly and frankly a superman. Kind, energetic, happy, stable, interested, intelligent, responsible, understanding, supportive, super in bed, single (!), well-educated, creative, successful, mature, ready for a steady relationship (so many boxes ticked!). He keeps track of all silly things I think of and talk about, which is a virtue in itself.

He has loads of friends, and friend-girls (as he calls them), that he wants me to meet all the time. He takes a lot of interest in my friends and even copes with them. Highly impressive. His parents are well-educated and seem to be lovely and caring. His mum and he are very close and best pals. He is adored by and adores his daughter who lives nearby with her mum and her new family. They all get along really well. Shiny happy people. A great person all in all. So, what´s the hook? Well, people are telling me that Nigerian men are old fashioned, possessive and don´t let the wife do anything by herself. And that this occurs as soon as he gets married, even if he has been openminded during courting.

Well, ok fans, I know. I am not getting married yet, but being good old me, I need to analyze a bit here behind the scenes.

So, detective Spinster will do some research here:

• How do his siblings live in Nigeria?
• Why did he divorce his wife?
• How does he feel about wifes working when having children?

A lady cannot be careful enough these days. Input welcome.

I will be back.

Timing Timing Timing

Yes, of course it makes me sad. Very sad. Such a wonderful couple. But the thing is, I am soooo sure that Miss Middleton will go as the winner out of this split. She is stunning, smart, with a strong mentality. She will be a very sought after single girl and find a very GOOD man. I am not worried at all. He however, will be stuck in his old stiff-upper-lip environment and just insecurely drift into wasting time on cheap blonde upper-class neurotics who would die to become queen. He will be torn and shuffled around and in the end he, the future King of England, will beg on his bare knees to pleeeeeease be taken back by Miss M. But by then she is a gonner, way gone to other horizons. Tant pis as we say.

But I understand him too. He is young, he is afraid. He doesn´t want to risk rushing into relationships that will end just because they were too young. I think the decision is good. I, and many with me, know what it feels like to have met someone in a bad timing. It´s awful and you cannot do anything about it. I stick to my equation. Everything is to the power of Timing.

But Kate remains my favourite in this matter and I am sure that "Big Willie" (alleged nickname of our future king...) will be half the man he used to be.

Sunny updates

There is just so many things I want to blog about, but hey: NOOOOOOO time! Very unfair indeed. Anyways. Had a lovely trip to the mighty Verbier with loads of skiing, great restos and SUN. I came back like a stuffed panda (in reverse colours) with an almost black face and white circles around my eyes as if I have my white goggles still on, plus a very bad cold. It was lovely though.

But must say the Spinster did really badly on the flirting arena. Hate to disappoint you lot, but she was a lot more concentrated on getting the carving working out properly and finding the right snow than chasing men. Nerd? Very much so indeed. And there was certainly no lack of flirt-material there. As it normally is in skiing resorts, we are talking approx 75% men, some kids and a very minor ratio of women. But hey, what use is that if you come back from another heavenly experience in the grand white, tired as an old dog, a face scaringly similar to the Danish flag and bruises all over your aching legs? Well, I can tell you; the last thing on your mind is male contact. BED, and being alone in it, is what you hallucinate about.

And as it happens, I have started to date the extremely relaxed and friendly and sexy and beautiful and warm DJ/music producer a bit more too. Let´s call him Mr Cosby since he has great similarities with a young Bill Cosby. Funny thing actually, I don´t really think that much about it, it´s just seamless, flawless, floating, happening. Not a lot of wondering and pondering and troubling, we just call, meet up, have a laugh, meet my friends, meet his friends, sleep together, kiss. Easy peasy. Not entirely sure if we will marry and have 8 kids, but hey, I will now stop thinking too much. I am a bloody expert in analysing things to death. I will just go with the flow. Yo man.

Weirdly enough though, the fork-up-the-ass-sugardaddie and I are having a glass of wine tonight too. A bit strange, feels like we know eachother already, but we´ve never met IRL...Well, needs to be done sooner or later. If it happens though, these things have been cancelled before... Whatever, who cares?

The sun is sparkling, I have a lot of fun to do at work, life is good.

Ciao