Roller-coster again

I am just like a bitch, a female dog (horrible word by the way). Skengravid/skendräktig is the word in Swedish, not sure what the translation is. It´s when the little bitches are walking around with long looks, and play with all cuddly toys they can see or lay down on the side, pretending they are breastfeeding (or whatever it´s called in dog-language). All in all, thinking they are pregnant!

And here I am again. Without a single proof (or possibility, apart from medical miracles) of having a baby in my tummy, my whole body walks around as in a "blessed condition". Ok fans, no, I don´t walk around with cuddly toys (no more than usual anyway) and no, I don´t pretend to be feeding something. But still. There is this feeling.

And funny, isn´t it? How the glorious Spinster can shift from one day to the other? We´re not talking a great many hours since I declared the deadline of 20th of June for mister and moi, now I am thinking of little Cosby-children already. Don´t despair darlings. Even I can´t follow this.

But I like him. I missed him when I was away and I love having him around. We laugh so much and he is just so irresistable. Plus, wonderfully understanding and easy to talk with about all sorts of things. Even when I have my dark moments of confusion. Amazing. I actually start feeling that he likes me for ... me? Bizarro.

But Scared Spinster will not let go yet. No long term planning here thank you very much. No calender synchronization, no future discussion, and hell -- no moving in together! No no no Mr Cosby, I struggle to be non-commitment phobic in the now.

But dreaming of little ones, that causes no problem whatsoever for this crooked brain. Can´t think of anything lovelier right now.