Wormy Intuitions

Can´t believe this is happening again. Again I am breaking up. Again I am the one who has to make someone disappointed. Again I am the one who has to take decisions. And I really don´t want to! Can´t life just be easy and peasy? Why do I have to leave someone I really like again? I miss him so badly already. But my intuition just wont let go! I just doesn´t let me rest. The minute I am happy and loving and feel comfortable with someone, it creeps up like a worm, growing bigger and bigger in my chest until I´m choking and just have to open my mouth and let it come out: "Honey, I don´t want to be with you any more". And my whole body is just crying, missing, wanting and crying more.
Why is it like this? Why? Why? Why? What is this worm in me? What is this bloody intuition? Just let me be please, let me get on with my life. Can I please just get to stay with those I like?

Or should I be grateful maybe? Is this extreme feeling just my biggest asset? The one that will never let me be in a relationship that is not really good? Sometimes I think it´s my mother. I think she is sometimes sitting on my left shoulder telling me what to do.

I don´t know. Am just sad. I will miss him so.