Yawn....

No, no longer I am going to be 14-years old and fooling myself. What on earth am I doing? Embarrassing almost. Sitting getting worked up from a few text messages that really don´t mean anything. I will stop this now. I have given him too much already. About time I am given something back now. It IS fantastic to be a bit in love and to find someone who rocks the world, but there has to be reality check every now and then. He is just not that into me. And probably this is only good after all. He is confused, Australian, keeping-me-warm and generally just not right.

Bah

Catching Up and Down

So... what is this BIG texting thingie with the Kangaroo that I go on about? Here goes.

Preface: He sent apologetic and rather sweet although friendly email cancelleing our date on Wednesday which I didn´t reply to. He said he would call me when he was back from France "to catch up".

Situation: Spinster with friends sitting in sun on Saturday pm in wonderful pub where we went for our first date.

Spinster texts: Shame we missed eachother on wed. In the sun in ladbroke arms. hope france is fab.x

Kangaroo answers (20 min later): Me too ;-( the sun is shining on the rugby gods in france so all is good. what does the weekend hold for you?

Spinster answers (50 min later): Sex drugs and rocknroll of course ;-). Good chilled we w friends. Looking forward to seeing you when yourre back. x.

Kangaroo answers (50 min later): I look forward to catching up with my puss in boots soon!

Spinster, very pleased, answers (1 hour and 15 min later). She will keep them sparkling. Puss.

Yep, very nonsense texting really (not sure what the f**k I meant with sparkling, but wasn´t entirely sober at that point..). But nice, I like it when he says MY puss in boots. And also, Puss in boots is rather clever of him I must say. And it was sent at 8 in the evening so hopefully he wasn´t too wasted...

Should probably have left it there but felt a strong urge to contact him on Sunday morning so sent off a text to him around noon: "I think you better be home soon". Which is a half-joke of course. We listened to this super-old tune from the Crowded House together last time we met. And they are Australian of course. And for those of you who know the lyrics, this is a strong love-song including lines as "And I know I am right for the first time in my life..." etc. Hence, could easily be interpreted as quite ... forward.

Kangaroo answers (within THREE minutes, seriously thought something was wrong with the phone): "Why :-)"

Which is bloody cheeky answer and I felt like writing to him "because you are a cheeky silly kangaroo who needs a good spank on his pale bum". But I didn´t.. I waited an hour and then wrote "Because my bed is burning". Hence, still playing on the Aussie-lyrics theme. And again he answered very quickly: "Lucky me ;-)". And I finalized and ditched in "Yes, you should be so lucky, lucky, lucky", thinking I was probably the most witty person in the world giving in another aussie-lyrics (Kylie).

Then I happen to know that the Australian game started 1 minute later (yep, Spinster is currently keeping incredibly close track of the games in the Rugby World Cup) and I didn´t hear anything else from him. They won big and secured their place in the quarter-finals, but I decided not to congratulate him for it. Will lay low for a while now.

I think he better be home soon. An be lucky in my burning bed.

Diluted brainwork

Mr Kangaroo and I have been texting over the weekend, as said. And now I am a bit confused to what he means what he thinks what he wants. Probably he is too. Vacuuming the web to find the answer to "is he only teasing me?", but no one can tell me... My intuition is in confusing, can´t get things straight, can´t make it right. Afraid that I am too besotted with him that I don´t see things clear and try to read everyting positively even if the signals are probably only lame. Doubting my intuition so much I have to pester my friends to tell me to interpret the texts he sends.

Well, he is back from France on the 1st of October and I will probably be able to tell then. If he does actually contact me then, as he has said he will, and asks me out I will know a bit more. The alternatives are:

1. He thinks we have a friendly thing going and likes to tease me a bit. Doesn´t want to get more involved than that, but likes it in a way.
2. He is desperately in love with me but doesn´t dare doing anything since he is afraid of the commitment and that I, being a superwoman, will only hurt him.
3. He couldn´t care less about me but is vain and likes the attention
4. He is fed up with me since he hasn´t got me laid yet and is now punishing me
5. He is secretly planning that when he is back from his travels he and I will take eachothers' hands and run out on a soft beach, into eternity

Time will tell...again. Only need a good reprogramming soon though. Driving me MAD! Am even dating another cute guy who says so much nice things and wants us to be serious with eachother and plans what house we are buying together! Whoaaaaa!!! Why is there never a MATCH?

Happy Monday

Control questions

When you don´t really like a person you search for faults in them
When you really like someone you make up excuses for their faults

....

In fact a smart way of controlling if you like someone or if it´s just treading water.

My lovely Kangaroo. So many faults he probably has that I have never seen, that I don´t want to see and that I really don´t care about. Isn´t that what really is Mr Perfect? Perfect for me.

In love with him again. I know, crazy. After he cancelled our date on Wednesday I declared him dead. But isn´t it funny how people can return from the dead? Sat in the sun yesterday, enjoying life, the indian summer, the life I have, my friends, my family and London and generally life. The pub is my favorite on earth and also the pub for our first date. Which wasn´t really a date, but rather a catch up 'as friends' after having met him out a couple of weeks earlier and exchanged a few emails. You probably know the story. Sitting in that pub in the indian summer-sun in t-shirt and loving life, I just had to text him. Said I thought it was a shame we missed eachother on Wednesday, and was hoping he was having fun in France (where he is with work for the Rugby World Cup). He replied quickly and we exchanged a few texts. His last one saying "I look forward to catching up with my puss in boots soon". And away I flow, on a cloud of warm feelings and my shining puss-boots are glittering in the sun. In love again. Despite all his faults and that he is problematic and that he probably is not even close to being as in love with me as I am with him.

And isn´t it funny, this thing called love? Since my split up with Ex-Husband 5 years ago, I have had 3 more serious boyfriends, a longer date period with one man and NUMBER of temporary acquaintances, and I think I should by now be able to judge when my feelings are for real or not. And when it comes to Mr Kangaroo, it´s really true feelings from my side. Have now known him for almost four months and the feelings just doesn´t go away. I know I might be stupid and I should not waste any more time on him and blah blah blah. But I don´t care! I need to ride this through, I need to know for sure that I am just fooling myself. That he really isn´t that keen and that him being difficult has NOTHING to do with the fact that he has had too much around him with relatives dying in Australia, recent split up with girlfriend, loads to do at work, travelling and being away all the time - but has all to do with the fact that he doesn´t have the right feelings for me.

I would rather he just told me -- "I don´t have the right feelings for you". A little bit like the great Swedish band Oh Laura are singing in Release Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjQXMZe2ouk

But until then, I will read his text message over and over and over and float around in my own puss-cloud. And think of the way he kisses me when we meet, the way he holds my hand, the way the whole world disappears when i see him, the way his eyes looks at me and sparkles me with warm feelings, the way I just want to touch his beautiful back and shoulders and kiss his neck and just be next to him and feel him radiating me, the way he speaks and the way I feel I understand everything he says and how my whole body and every little pore in my skin and every vein and every blood cell and all hairs on my head just cries YESSSSSSS when I see him.

And whatever happens, this is the best feeling in the world.

Puss in boots.

Clearing of the books -- Q3 2007

This quarter is coming to an end. Last year I was every quarter looking into my love-books, this year I haven´t dont this at all. So time to take it up again.

Q1 this year was heavily dominated by a certain Mr Sketch. All waste of investments obviously. In retrospect I cannot believe that I wasted so much time on him! Bah! Q2 very clearly dominated by steadily going out with Mr Cosby. Well, anyway as steadily as is possible with a semi-maniac constantly on cannabis.

Then Q3 of course started badly. First month included disastrous and scary end to Mr Cosby with stalking elements involved, combined with heart-throbbing over my big love Mr Kangaroo. Decided to do my absolute outmost to forget the latter in second month by "spray and pray" and flirt to the left and right. And now I will for once and for all clean them all out:

• Date with inmature Dutch -- cleared out by me, really nothing for me
• Couple of dates with weird, kind but non-interesting German -- finally cleared out by myself this week by calling him to tell him that he is a good man, but we are not right for eachother. Felt very good with myself for doing this honest and highly appreciated move
• Innocent vacation-flirt with Italian -- I let it die
• Flirt and few dates with English Mr Random -- nothing for me I think unfortunaly, will let die
• Mr Kangaroo -- what can I say -- he has been around for too long now, will now officially be declared dead. He sorted this himself by cancelling our date this week (which he had initated, zzzz) last minute and said he will be back 1st of October, and could we meet up then? I am sorry honey -- new Q and your depriciation value is zero.
• Mr Tennis -- sweet Portugese/English guy who texted me very intensly from end of July. Sort of flattering and sweet in a way so I decided to give it a go for a date. Which was all ok, but something is not really right with him, not sure what. Talked on the phone for long on Monday and he really wanted to see me URGENTLY. I said I was going to Brussels for the rest of the week (white lie, had more interesting things going) and we decided to meet when he is back in town after the weekend. He self-died today though by texting and asking me if I would like to go for a drink tonight. Obviously he is texting around to half of his phone book to see who is up for seeing him not remembering what we talked about so he is OUT (which he would have been anyway so not only for this mishap).
• Mr Soulmate. Met a fantastic Aussie man visiting a friend of a friend this week. We got on so well that he stayed in my flat for couple of nights. Yes, of course, there was attracting and flirt, but mainly I was fascinated by meeting a man who who to a large extent, was so similar to myself (including desperately impulsive, passionate, flirthead with a strong commitment phobia). And he is radiating with energy and warmth and I just loved spending time with him. And even if he is a naughty flirter and a vacation-womanizer with the London-girls (bless darling, you´re in good company), I secretly like him. We are really only friends, and I must confess that I miss him already.

So there we are TABLA RASA (clean sheets) -- Q3 is OVER and it has been one of the most active months in my life. I will now calm down a bit for the rest of the year and continue my Project in a more focussed manner.

Todelooooooooo!

The REAL Facebook-statuses

NN ... is waiting for him to call
NN ... is hoping to marry mr Perfect and is already thinking of the names of their children
NN ... is cursing her body for deciding to start the period today whan all she wants is to jump into bed with her date
NN ... is desperate to find a man
NN ... is skimpy
NN ... is getting married... just some details to fix
NN ... is having a phantom pregnancy with the cute guy from last weekend
NN ... is horny
NN ... is off men
NN ... is off Australian men
NN ... is having a ball
NN ... is multitasking
NN ... is fed up with single life
NN ... is secretly happy with being single as long as everyone stops pointing out that time is passing quickly
NN ... is turning 35
NN ... is happy about turning 35 and will throw the best bash in the world
NN ... is very unhappy about turning 35 and will try and avoid thinking of it
NN ... is wondering if the best of all years have gone by
NN ... is flirting to the left and to the right
NN ... ignoring the fact that mr Perfect never calls her and seriously believes that he has too much to do and probably also has lost her number
NN ... is considering freezing some eggs
NN ... is ignoring time and age and is planning a 6-months-trip around the world starting next summer
NN ... is wondering WHERE THE HELL Future Husband is hiding
NN ... is fed up with people telling her she rushes into things
NN ... is wondering where to find Swedish men in London
NN ... is not sure she likes Swedish men
NN ... is not sure she likes English men
NN ... is not sure she likes men of any nationality
NN ... is in nationality confusion: wondering what leg to stand on
NN ... is cleaning her flat and filling her fridge with lovely food IN CASE mr Perfect decides to invite himself to a cup of tea
NN ... is wondering why so many people are going about in bad relationships
NN ... is wondering if she is too picky
NN ... is thinking she will need to compromise or she will stay Spinster forever
NN ... is happy to stay alone for all days instead of being in a bad relationship
NN ... is VERY VERY SINGLE

Chemical Romance?

What really creates love, romance and strong feelings? Is it when two people cut out of stone, perfectly carved out for eachother, meet? Is it some divine force that makes these two creatures pass eachothers ways and smile and touch and the radiant power strikes them? Or is it rather an open mindset, a mind freed from troublesome pasts and sceletons that can actually appreciate and see love when it stands on their doorstep?

These thoughts are troubling me. Research project has come to a little halt after just a couple of weeks implementation. The bright side is that I actually meet men who are "good men" and who tick the list to great extents rather than being strange struggling artists. But where is the spark? Nothing happens in me,, I just cannot get my energy going. Not sober anyways... And what this creates is just lack of interest from the men themselves, and then they stop contacting me and then I get sad and think I have done something wrong. Probably men are not stupid and they see that there are things on my mind. But why can they not hold on and have some patience? Love doesn´t happen in one instance. I am probabaly stuck in old routines (ex-husband, Kangaroo etc) and compare too much and I need some time to adapt. Perhaps I don´t see the forest for all the trees?

I think I need to do some mental work with myself. Í would need a cleaning process in my head that just removes old grey dirt and lets in new fresh thoughts. I fear that there are mindsets in my confused brain that needs to get sorted or I will stay Spinster for the rest of my life.

Or.. have I just not yet met my carved-out marble man?

Project Status -- Friday

Friday Friday dearest Friday. Finally here. Good week though all in all, project is going forward as planned. The Monday reeling was fabulous for this. A sweaty room filled with 75 scots who were dancing with me. Reeling is, as you might now, a folk-dance where everyone is dancing with each-other. And I got the feeling that there were quite a few singles there. Single Scottish Reelers. Who knows? Slightly nerdy touch to it in all honesty but hilarious.

Slightly more action-oriented though: Was called up on Monday by Mr Random that I met in Richmond a couple of weeks ago. Yes, the random Englishman that after having snogged me for a nice little while at a Richmond Commonwealth-mania, was kidnapped by Mrs Oracle and dragged home to her house in Chiswick for afterparty with Mr Oracle and his insane best mate. He managed well though the poor chap. Anyway, we decided to meet up on Wednesday. Since I wasn´t entierly sure what I thought about him, I suggested we´d have some drinks by the river with Mr and Mrs Oracle and someother people. He seemed more interested in meeting me in my hoods, but I cynically concluded that that was only to get into my knickers. So the Spinster said no to this little invite and went for the group-activity alternative instead.

And group-activity went really well and I did get the little nice zing in my chest when I saw him. I like him and I am very attracted to him. And I think he is with me too. But we´re both a little bit shy and things don´t seem to happen really. Anyway, night was lovely and fun and we all went for dinner and had loads of laughs. And then, like Cinderella in her pumpkin, I dashed home quickly after midnight after just a brief kiss. Was slightly frustrated and irritated afterwards, had hoped for some more engaged activities... Felt that I maybe had kept him a bit at bay by not really showing any interest of seeing him one-to-one and perhaps not been that "interested". As a matter of fact, Mrs Oracle had a quick chat with him when I had left and he had muttered something along those lines.

So I gave him a quick call yesterday and it turns out he is around my area to do some travel-shopping. So we met up early evening and went for a quick dinner. I had to go since I was seeing Mr Charlie later, but it was very nice seeing him again, and good to see we could actually spend time only him and me... He is now off for 2 weeks holidays tomorrow so we´ll see what happens. I know what I want to happen. I want him to come to my hoods tonight and try get into my knickers. Should I maybe hint this to him? Not sure.... I must say I really like him. And it´s the kind of feeling that is growing for each time I meet with him. It sort of builds up. He actually looks like my oncle and reminds me of my grand-father in a way. Strange. And he ticks Ze List pretty well. I want more of him. Hope he feels the same... We shall see.

So, I am progressing here. Mr Tennis-date guy from Sunday called and said he wanted to meet up too. Not at all interested in all honesty, but have a hard time squirming out of it! I ignore some of his calls, answers late to text and generally try and give him hints. But the problem is -- he probably just thinks I am playing Hard To Get!

Weekend looks good. Cinema tonight with friends and Swedish Crayfish-frenzy tomorrow and general fix with flat for the rest of the weekend. Weather is fantastic so might try and get some sun on my body too.

Kisses

Market research - results 1

Friday in South Ken: Perfectly fine. No real hotties but fine. The clientele is possibly not my genre (a lot of really bad jeans, pink oxford shirts and backslicks) but I will not be superficial. Good eve all in all. ALSO, bizarrly enough, realized how exciting I find Rugby to be and spent the night watching France get humiliated by Argentina in the opening game of the World Cup. This will come handy.

Lovely Saturday lunch -- needless to say no future husband materials amongst newly weds and pregnant people.

Saturday Footie at Sports Bar -- never went! Too much laundry to do and since washing machine has died, I had to go to a laundrette. But no rain on my parade! Flirted with really really cute guy who must live closeby ´cause he was trotting forth and back looking through the windows. Will certainly be more visits to that place in the future.

Saturday Karaoke -- cancelled. Ended up in bar i Maida Vale with lovely people. Good place and certainly good clientele. Will be more of that place in the future.

Sunday Polo -- fantastic! I am hooked!! And if I would be interested in finding miself a nice farmer or a country boy -- this is certainly the place to be. Hmmm, did those criteria make it to The List? Ehh, don´t really think so.

Sunday Afternoon -- Date with local guy. Met him over a month ago, just randomly in a bar, and he took my number. Said we would meet up for a friendly drink -- "since we´re anyway neighbours". We had one quick drink and then decided we should go and play tennis! So we went to get changed, met up again and he gave me a tennis lesson! And considering I had never played before and I made the poor chap run around all over the place, it was a lot of fun. We had a quick snack and then he "had to collect something in his flat". So there we went and he opened a bottle of great wine and... then the Spinster had to stop the attempt to further exercises. Cute guy and good fun and a bit unusually forward-- he said straight out "I would like to go out with you". Which gives him hight points. Not sure if there will be any continuation though, might see him once more. Ticks my list rather well in all honesty, but there is something missing..

So I am keeping up with my project. Still not bored. And tonight I will be REELING. Scottish dancing, will be so much fun.

Have a great week!

Project implementation -- Market Research

Weekend is finally here and oh so nice. After my start off in the week of high inspiration and structured consultancy-like process (se two earlier postings) for the man-find project, I must admit: I have been a bit on the slow side. But despair not, I am hitting the scene again tonight with la bella Prada and hopefully also the Honorary Swede. Trying out the south parts of this Borough -- i.e the posher side of it -- South Ken, for a few drinks and market research.

According to the process below, I am in Step 4 now, trying to work out WHERE Future Husband might be hiding his cute little ... self (ehrrm). Admittedly, I haven´t been seen in this part of the town, nighttime, more than maybe three times in three years, so it´s definitely worth a refresh.

Possibly I will just conclude that there is a reason why the Spinster hasn´t frequented this area. We shall see.

Tomorrow is a good mix of grown-up lunch chez moi with old friends (no hi-po´s), football at rowdy sports-bar (actually, I AM interested in football, but yep, brilliant), and evening at Karaoke session (naaah a high-odds-place, but hysterically fun)

Sunday, the dear Spinistaahhh will be playing polo in the countryside. How very nice indeed. I will most likely not make a fantastic impression desperately holding on to the horse trying to balance a club in my hand. To compensate for my non-elegant performance, I will work on my Swedish charm.. Very difficult to estimate the value of this hunting ground.

I shall be back with the outcome. Be sure.

Tally ho!

Getting into FOCUS mood

Quick recap of summer -- I must admit I haven´t been the best in the world to blog lately. But I am BACK.

June was a bit rainy -- confusion on Mr Cosby and also met Mr Kangaroo.

July -- slight post-Cosby disappointment along with heart-throb for Mr Kangaroo.

August -- The Spinster is back in good ol´ form. Multi-tasking more than ever and meeting up with guys everywhere. Strange, but sometimes it´s like the stars are in the right position for a good flirt and things happen all the time! And in August they clearly did! Apart from still having heart-throbs for Mr Kangaroo I have met and dated an interesting European collection of nice men:

• A young Dutch lawyer. Met in a swanky Notting Hill bar and went out with him. Not my bag. Why? Horrible clothes.. HAHA, no, but generally very inmature and insecure and simply not attractive. OUT.


• A German banker in my age, met up a few times and still in contact. Not my bag either though. Why? Not sure, something just isn´t right with him. Kein Grund zur Panik.


• English-Portugese cute guy in the neighbourhood that came up in a bar asking for my number -- we have struggled for a while to arrange our date, but still no luck. He has many qualities though, one is for instance that he actually CALLS to ask me out! High points. Am sure we will meet up soon. Have a feeling he is too young though. But I have not ditched him yet


• North Italian Tall handsome entrepreneur. Met in Mykonos, Greece. Very sweet and nice but had terrible jeans and hardly speaks any English. Has invited me to visit him in Verona. First I thought this sounded like a great idea, but reality kicked in when back in London. OUT.


• Swedish Young Management Consultant living in Berlin. Fantastic man although 8,5 year younger than me. Seems more mature than me in a way though -- wants to find a good Swedish woman and move to Stockholm. We are still in contact, but given age, Berlin and a general gut feeling is unfortunaly also OUT.


• Crazy night out in Richmond ended up in light snogging of a handsome English cutie. My dear hostess for the weekend -- the Oracle from Chiswick -- decided that he should come over to their house for nachspiel. And he happily accepted her invitation. Little did he know that he would be confronted with a big group of drunken, slightly mad and very interrogative people. But he managed very well and got high points. He stayed over in this enormous house of mass-camping and came along for brunch in the morning. Surprisingly brave man! Not sure if we will meet up again though, despite the Mr and Mrs Oracles very enthusiastic cheering! Why? Not sure.

So voila! A long row of fantastic men - I am really trying my best to keep up activity levels!! And what I like with myself in this whole thing is that I am actually being very TRUE to my list as described below! Well done Spinster! Will cool down a bit now though and put in a stronger focus, some of these I could have known straight away that they weren´t right.

And as long as it´s fun and safe, it´s all good.

Finding Mr Right -- The Right Way Forward

Yep, I have now found it. The key to success. After some years running around trying to work this out, had some despairs, had some tears, created some tears -- I am now convinced I´ve found the way forward!

Step 1 -- Do you really WANT to find Mr Right now?
This is a very important question. If you are unsure about this, there is no need to go any further. There are times in your life when all you want is really some fun, some play and nothing serious. But you fool yourself into thinking that you want to find a man. Reasons for this can be many. One is obviously the need for confirmation, closeness or because the togetherness in itself is what you are used to; you plainly don´t really know how to be alone! This is a confusing situation and can be rather difficult, I am the first in line to sign on this. But be strong and true! Being alone for a while and have time to develop yourself and your friendships is fantastic!

Spinster Status -- Yes, I am ready. Ready to give and take love. Ready to compromize and realize that relationships include painship too, and I will survive this and I will fight for it (leftover pains from my divorce, I know...). Ready for leaving my single-life and freedom where I can do what I want and no-one tries to tie me down and control me (bad experiences...).

Step 2 -- Do you love yourself?
If you are sure you would like to find true love -- are you sure that you really love yourself? This might sound like an enormous cliché, but it´s very very valid. If you in reality feel that you are wrong somehow, you will find it very difficult to find the right man. One of the websites discussing this hot topic wrote "The bottom line: Until you become the kind of person you are looking for, you will not attract the kind of person you want." And I really believe this is very very true. And one way of finding this out is by structuring a list of what you want in a relationship and match this to yourself.

Examples:
I want my man to be culturally interested (in reality, I myself feel a bit superficial and plain sometimes and therefore want to compensate this in a man)
I want my man to be a fantastic sailor (in reality I want my life to include more sailing-elements)

Conclusions to this -- get yourself sorted before start looking for compensations in other people. Make sure you feel like a fantastic person who is basically the best catch in the world!

Spinster Status: There will always be areas of improvement, but all in all I feel landed and happy with myself and my life.

Step 3 -- Understand what kind of man could be your life partner
Without sounding terrible, but a "wish list" is very important. Not to be mixed up with the above "compensation" criterias though, but plainly a number of things what are crucial in order for a relationship to work. We have come too far in our lives to be able to fool ourselves here. As fantastic as a bush man from Africa would be, it just wont work in the long run.

Spinster Status: I have my list rather clear for me nowdays, which is actually a rather comforting feeling, but of course makes this whole "finding-process" quite difficult! What´s good with my current list (I have done this exercise before, when I was in a lot more confusing stage in my life) is that the profile sounds very much like myself: I must love myself a lot more these days!! Here goes (no internal importance given):

• International (i.e. having lived in different countries, or is at least interested in different cultures)
• Not too young nor too old -- but I also realize that age is a state of mind rather than a number
• Physically attractive, I like good-looking men in all honesty...
• Interested in his health and takes care of himself
• Has style and class and manners but is not posh
• Well educated
• Has an ok income or is at least ambitious enough to try to get one
• Has a good job and is striving to get somewhere in life (without being a crazy entreprenuer nor a workaholic)
• Sporty -- rather too much than too little
• Likes the good things in life -- food, wine, ok dressed -- without being overly materialistic
• Is curious and interested in most things -- open to new ideas and places and travels
• Is interested in Sweden and could consider living there in future perspective
• Doesn´t mind living outside Europe for a while, but would prefer to get old in some of the Western European countries
• Is of North European origin or North American or Australian/Kiwi -- i.e cultures similar to Swedish
• Has an interest in music and likes going to gigs and wouldn´t mind crawling around Glastonbury
• Likes a good party and to have people around for dinners and drinks
• Is landed and knows what he wants with life
• Is happy and easy-going, can socialize with all sorts of people
• (Of course, this list is totally out-ruled if there is no spark nor attraction between him and me. But in order to not get carried away by only sparks and attraction, this sanity check needs to be done.)

TERRIBLE!!! This feels like posting an ad for a new flat or something a lot more logic than a future husband!

Step 4: Where will I find this kind of man?

Bloody good question, and this is where if often starts to become tricky (I am rather pleased to have come this far though). Now, the kind of man I am looking for is first of all not really an oddity and not really a very strange character. The problem for is often that I either find VERY SPORTY guys who don´t have a clue as to who the Arctic Monkeys are or VERY MUSIC-INTERESTED guys who wouldn´t be seen dead in a skiing slope.

Conclusion for this step -- try to figure out this step very closely but try also to just focus on what you like doing yourself. Since your list of characteristica should be very similar to yourself -- chances are that you will bump into him in our own circles.

Spinster Status: Need to sit down and think of this, am not really sure about this. When it comes to bars, I don´t really feel that I have found THE place for future husband. Internet dating could probably work rather well here, but I just don´t like that way of dating... Needs some work!

Step 5: Getting in contact with the right persons

The art of flirting is definitely my strongest side, so I don´t worry about this. Where I need to work on is to quickly find out if the person fits the list and move on if he doesn´t. Even if the guy is the cutest, the most sweet and lovliest person in the world -- there can be no major deviations from the list, that´s just the way it is!

Also, the art of multi-tasking is very very important here. Without multitasking there is no way to get through the jungle within short time! Don´t get too focussed on one man immediately, but meet more men on the same time. Not only will you feel a lot less vulnerable, but you will also seem a lot more attractive!

Step 6 -- Starting the relationship!

Not a lot to add here I am afraid. My experiences are not enormous in this area. However, I think it´s very important to be understanding and forgiving and let things take time. We all live in a confusing world, everyone has been hurt and damaged. Try not to rush things and try not to ditch things off just because the guy doesn´t do exactly as you want him to.

But on the other hand -- don´t lie to yourself for too long. If things don´t take off in the way you want or if you feel that you are not being well-treated -- leave it! Chances are that the guy doesn´t really tick your list after all, and therefore he is not delivering in a way you want him to. I have ample examples of this when I have thought that I found the perfect man (Mr Sketch for example), but he is acting really strangly. In hindsight, I can really see that we weren´t right for eachother and clearly this is the reason why things turned sour! I haven´t written off Mr Kangaroo completely yet though, but there are clearly some enormous warning-signals on the list that he needs to clear out!

Super! Time to get things going. The plan is set and the search begins. It´s a bit like looking for propery actually! Takes some market research to find out what is good and not good, but then when you know what you want, it only takes a minute to realize if things are right or not! It´t the BLINK effect that I have spoken about before!

Cheerio from enthusiastic Spinster!