Control questions

When you don´t really like a person you search for faults in them
When you really like someone you make up excuses for their faults

....

In fact a smart way of controlling if you like someone or if it´s just treading water.

My lovely Kangaroo. So many faults he probably has that I have never seen, that I don´t want to see and that I really don´t care about. Isn´t that what really is Mr Perfect? Perfect for me.

In love with him again. I know, crazy. After he cancelled our date on Wednesday I declared him dead. But isn´t it funny how people can return from the dead? Sat in the sun yesterday, enjoying life, the indian summer, the life I have, my friends, my family and London and generally life. The pub is my favorite on earth and also the pub for our first date. Which wasn´t really a date, but rather a catch up 'as friends' after having met him out a couple of weeks earlier and exchanged a few emails. You probably know the story. Sitting in that pub in the indian summer-sun in t-shirt and loving life, I just had to text him. Said I thought it was a shame we missed eachother on Wednesday, and was hoping he was having fun in France (where he is with work for the Rugby World Cup). He replied quickly and we exchanged a few texts. His last one saying "I look forward to catching up with my puss in boots soon". And away I flow, on a cloud of warm feelings and my shining puss-boots are glittering in the sun. In love again. Despite all his faults and that he is problematic and that he probably is not even close to being as in love with me as I am with him.

And isn´t it funny, this thing called love? Since my split up with Ex-Husband 5 years ago, I have had 3 more serious boyfriends, a longer date period with one man and NUMBER of temporary acquaintances, and I think I should by now be able to judge when my feelings are for real or not. And when it comes to Mr Kangaroo, it´s really true feelings from my side. Have now known him for almost four months and the feelings just doesn´t go away. I know I might be stupid and I should not waste any more time on him and blah blah blah. But I don´t care! I need to ride this through, I need to know for sure that I am just fooling myself. That he really isn´t that keen and that him being difficult has NOTHING to do with the fact that he has had too much around him with relatives dying in Australia, recent split up with girlfriend, loads to do at work, travelling and being away all the time - but has all to do with the fact that he doesn´t have the right feelings for me.

I would rather he just told me -- "I don´t have the right feelings for you". A little bit like the great Swedish band Oh Laura are singing in Release Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjQXMZe2ouk

But until then, I will read his text message over and over and over and float around in my own puss-cloud. And think of the way he kisses me when we meet, the way he holds my hand, the way the whole world disappears when i see him, the way his eyes looks at me and sparkles me with warm feelings, the way I just want to touch his beautiful back and shoulders and kiss his neck and just be next to him and feel him radiating me, the way he speaks and the way I feel I understand everything he says and how my whole body and every little pore in my skin and every vein and every blood cell and all hairs on my head just cries YESSSSSSS when I see him.

And whatever happens, this is the best feeling in the world.

Puss in boots.