Finding Mr Right -- The Right Way Forward

Yep, I have now found it. The key to success. After some years running around trying to work this out, had some despairs, had some tears, created some tears -- I am now convinced I´ve found the way forward!

Step 1 -- Do you really WANT to find Mr Right now?
This is a very important question. If you are unsure about this, there is no need to go any further. There are times in your life when all you want is really some fun, some play and nothing serious. But you fool yourself into thinking that you want to find a man. Reasons for this can be many. One is obviously the need for confirmation, closeness or because the togetherness in itself is what you are used to; you plainly don´t really know how to be alone! This is a confusing situation and can be rather difficult, I am the first in line to sign on this. But be strong and true! Being alone for a while and have time to develop yourself and your friendships is fantastic!

Spinster Status -- Yes, I am ready. Ready to give and take love. Ready to compromize and realize that relationships include painship too, and I will survive this and I will fight for it (leftover pains from my divorce, I know...). Ready for leaving my single-life and freedom where I can do what I want and no-one tries to tie me down and control me (bad experiences...).

Step 2 -- Do you love yourself?
If you are sure you would like to find true love -- are you sure that you really love yourself? This might sound like an enormous cliché, but it´s very very valid. If you in reality feel that you are wrong somehow, you will find it very difficult to find the right man. One of the websites discussing this hot topic wrote "The bottom line: Until you become the kind of person you are looking for, you will not attract the kind of person you want." And I really believe this is very very true. And one way of finding this out is by structuring a list of what you want in a relationship and match this to yourself.

Examples:
I want my man to be culturally interested (in reality, I myself feel a bit superficial and plain sometimes and therefore want to compensate this in a man)
I want my man to be a fantastic sailor (in reality I want my life to include more sailing-elements)

Conclusions to this -- get yourself sorted before start looking for compensations in other people. Make sure you feel like a fantastic person who is basically the best catch in the world!

Spinster Status: There will always be areas of improvement, but all in all I feel landed and happy with myself and my life.

Step 3 -- Understand what kind of man could be your life partner
Without sounding terrible, but a "wish list" is very important. Not to be mixed up with the above "compensation" criterias though, but plainly a number of things what are crucial in order for a relationship to work. We have come too far in our lives to be able to fool ourselves here. As fantastic as a bush man from Africa would be, it just wont work in the long run.

Spinster Status: I have my list rather clear for me nowdays, which is actually a rather comforting feeling, but of course makes this whole "finding-process" quite difficult! What´s good with my current list (I have done this exercise before, when I was in a lot more confusing stage in my life) is that the profile sounds very much like myself: I must love myself a lot more these days!! Here goes (no internal importance given):

• International (i.e. having lived in different countries, or is at least interested in different cultures)
• Not too young nor too old -- but I also realize that age is a state of mind rather than a number
• Physically attractive, I like good-looking men in all honesty...
• Interested in his health and takes care of himself
• Has style and class and manners but is not posh
• Well educated
• Has an ok income or is at least ambitious enough to try to get one
• Has a good job and is striving to get somewhere in life (without being a crazy entreprenuer nor a workaholic)
• Sporty -- rather too much than too little
• Likes the good things in life -- food, wine, ok dressed -- without being overly materialistic
• Is curious and interested in most things -- open to new ideas and places and travels
• Is interested in Sweden and could consider living there in future perspective
• Doesn´t mind living outside Europe for a while, but would prefer to get old in some of the Western European countries
• Is of North European origin or North American or Australian/Kiwi -- i.e cultures similar to Swedish
• Has an interest in music and likes going to gigs and wouldn´t mind crawling around Glastonbury
• Likes a good party and to have people around for dinners and drinks
• Is landed and knows what he wants with life
• Is happy and easy-going, can socialize with all sorts of people
• (Of course, this list is totally out-ruled if there is no spark nor attraction between him and me. But in order to not get carried away by only sparks and attraction, this sanity check needs to be done.)

TERRIBLE!!! This feels like posting an ad for a new flat or something a lot more logic than a future husband!

Step 4: Where will I find this kind of man?

Bloody good question, and this is where if often starts to become tricky (I am rather pleased to have come this far though). Now, the kind of man I am looking for is first of all not really an oddity and not really a very strange character. The problem for is often that I either find VERY SPORTY guys who don´t have a clue as to who the Arctic Monkeys are or VERY MUSIC-INTERESTED guys who wouldn´t be seen dead in a skiing slope.

Conclusion for this step -- try to figure out this step very closely but try also to just focus on what you like doing yourself. Since your list of characteristica should be very similar to yourself -- chances are that you will bump into him in our own circles.

Spinster Status: Need to sit down and think of this, am not really sure about this. When it comes to bars, I don´t really feel that I have found THE place for future husband. Internet dating could probably work rather well here, but I just don´t like that way of dating... Needs some work!

Step 5: Getting in contact with the right persons

The art of flirting is definitely my strongest side, so I don´t worry about this. Where I need to work on is to quickly find out if the person fits the list and move on if he doesn´t. Even if the guy is the cutest, the most sweet and lovliest person in the world -- there can be no major deviations from the list, that´s just the way it is!

Also, the art of multi-tasking is very very important here. Without multitasking there is no way to get through the jungle within short time! Don´t get too focussed on one man immediately, but meet more men on the same time. Not only will you feel a lot less vulnerable, but you will also seem a lot more attractive!

Step 6 -- Starting the relationship!

Not a lot to add here I am afraid. My experiences are not enormous in this area. However, I think it´s very important to be understanding and forgiving and let things take time. We all live in a confusing world, everyone has been hurt and damaged. Try not to rush things and try not to ditch things off just because the guy doesn´t do exactly as you want him to.

But on the other hand -- don´t lie to yourself for too long. If things don´t take off in the way you want or if you feel that you are not being well-treated -- leave it! Chances are that the guy doesn´t really tick your list after all, and therefore he is not delivering in a way you want him to. I have ample examples of this when I have thought that I found the perfect man (Mr Sketch for example), but he is acting really strangly. In hindsight, I can really see that we weren´t right for eachother and clearly this is the reason why things turned sour! I haven´t written off Mr Kangaroo completely yet though, but there are clearly some enormous warning-signals on the list that he needs to clear out!

Super! Time to get things going. The plan is set and the search begins. It´s a bit like looking for propery actually! Takes some market research to find out what is good and not good, but then when you know what you want, it only takes a minute to realize if things are right or not! It´t the BLINK effect that I have spoken about before!

Cheerio from enthusiastic Spinster!