Endlich Ein Grund zur Panik!

For those of you poor little creatures who don't master the beautiful language of German, this means "Finally a reason to panik". One of the biggest hits in der Bundesrepublik last year. I knew about it, I must admit, before I got indoctrinated in the German kultur-leben. To take part of this master-piece of music, click on the following link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjiC6xM5nAM

So what is now the reason to panik that has finally come my way? Well I have said for a while that I am ready for a change in my life. In fact I am looking forward to my fourth spring in Notting Hill, still single, still wondering. Ok, things have changed during the passing of these springs, I have changed jobs (a couple of times in fact...), I have moved to my own flat that I have renovated myself. In addition, I have lived through and ended a sort-of-long-term relationship (1,5 years), started a couple of more serious affairs (that were doomed from the beginning) and done a quite a lot of dating and other activities less suitable for print. And I have learned a lot. Huge amounts of things. About myself, about what is good, and what is not so good. And I am glad I have had this time to learn, even if at times painful.

So this is the fourth spring. And I am ready for a change. The feeling emerged last summer, from somewhere, unclear where. I suppose it's part of my nomadic personality, always wanting to move. But I guess it's not necessarily a physical move I am feeling, rather a mind-move. I feel that I am ready with this part of my life. Not sure how to describe the phase, but it has been rather much a matter of thinking and learning and developing. Development phase. Here we have it. Now we're really getting into good ol' consulting lingo.

And the reason to Panic? Well, as our dear TS Eliot puts it:

April is the cruellest month,
breeding,
Lilacs out of the dead land,
mixing memory and desire,
stirring dull roots with spring rain...

Change is painful, and perhaps a reason to panic? Now, I happen to have an extensive experience of panic, so this is hardly anything close to that. Just going through the phases.

Went to see Mr Germany last weekend. And it was wonderful. Skiing, Spa-hotel, Munchen, Cat Power. A lot of feelings and the feeling of kindness that occurs when you just ... like someone. When there is mutual respect and admire. Friendship and Attraction. There is no games, no playing, just lovely. All we know is that it was lovely and that we want more of it. And who knows, he might be part of the change? But we only know one thing and that is that we don't know anything.

And as the song goes further... Kein Grund Zur Panik. And all true, there is No reason to Panic.